Why does change bring feelings of anxiety even though we are changing back to what we already know? Why is it that when faced with being unable to get a strip of Sellotape to tear without doubling over on itself, sticking to my fingers or hair so I can tape it to a parcel do I turn into a toddler? Why do I throw the balls of useless tape at the floor whilst shrieking and then burst into tears? Life has started to get back to normal hasn’t it? A new normal it might be, but we’re getting used to it aren’t we? Life is good! We can go to the gym, go out for a meal, cinema, and socialise with family and friends again.
In my experience, the raised levels of anxiety and depression are only levelling out post Covid rather than decreasing. Everyone I speak with has expressed moments like these and feeling unable to cope with their life as well they did before. They say they don’t feel safe in crowds or can’t concentrate on anything; they fly off the handle, snap, can’t cope with noise and feel jangled. Basically, if everything is going well, they are fine, but any bump in the road causes a meltdown rather than minor irritation. So why does change bring feelings of anxiety when we are feeling like there is no change? We are just returning to normal?
There seems to be a BC and AC (Before Covid and After Covid), where people behaved in a certain way that changed substantially over 18 months of lockdown. My clients are women and men who, BC, were determined, driven, multi-tasking individuals, juggling families, high profile jobs and charging through life. Many found themselves desperate to get back to work in the office and back to their ‘normal’ and are wondering why is this change bringing feelings of anxiety? They are stressed, feel anxious and unfamiliar with feeling this way, resulting in a semblance of uselessness and an inability to see the wood for the trees. They cannot understand as they feel they haven’t changed. In turn they blame self for not being able to hack it anymore, being weak, powerless or too old. If change is as good as a rest, why are we feeling unrested? Why can’t we get our minds and our bodies to do MORE than we did before? Why do we feel overloaded if we try to see the jobs for today (never mind the week!) when BC we had our monthly diary mind-mapped?
For me, the main reason is that we have been allowed to step off the crazy treadmill of ‘Super Human’ for 18 months. Slowly but surely our minds and bodies have been allowed to settle. This has brought homeostasis to our
- hormone levels
- nervous systems
- immune systems
- digestive systems
It has been so subtle we haven’t been aware of it, but this is the first time in 10 years that I have been away on holiday and not started with shingles on my first day of relaxation. To me, that says everything!
No one would say they ‘like’ change. They may embrace it, accept it, but rarely do they like it. Our Ego keeps us feeling safe, secure and in control. It is there to protect us so it doesn’t have to engage the ‘fight or flight’ response. When it has a choice to go with the new or the old it will choose familiarity, whether best for us or not. So, why does change bring feelings of anxiety? The Ego is trying to protect you. It is doing its job.
Can you imagine being told BC that we were going to be off work or working from home for 18 months? That we wouldn’t be able to see friends, family, colleagues, hug, socialise in any public setting? External household communication would only be through the internet ( if you could get the hang of it)? Even with all of this, people in their thousands would still die? Ego would have jumped, fight or flight would have kicked in and all meltdowns would have happened back then. Instead, we were told 3 months. So, we did, and then another three, and another.
We have gently settled our Egos and reassured them that “all is going to be okay.” This adjustment has happened in small increments and gone completely unnoticed, until we are now, almost, back to normal. Only it ISN’T your normal anymore. There is no way you can suddenly jump your Ego back to BC without it feeling completely unsafe and kick starting your fight/ flight reflex. Not only that but you many of us have started to drink more alcohol (because we can) and could be struggling to get back on track. https://www.soultransformationcoaching.com/secrets-of-the-successfully-sorted/
If you can understand this and be gentle, you can get a better response from self. Try not to expect to go back to ‘Super Human’ immediately. Be kind to yourself by asking questions like:-
- “Do I really want to go back there?”
- “Could this be done differently?”
- “What if there is another way and what could that be?”
- “What feelings are coming up when……..?”
If these feelings are affecting your body in a negative way, then could it be that you are not meant to be getting back on that treadmill? You do have a choice even though your head (Ego) may be telling you that you don’t.
if your Ego is struggling and you are still wondering why change is bringing feelings of anxiety in yourself or it is affecting your ability to function correctly then please ask for help.
Lots of love peoples. Keep curious about your actions and reactions and no self-bad talk on my watch.